random reunification!

this past weekend i went for my quarterly locks chopping to my favorite overpriced boston salon that has been taming my mane for almost 10 years now....crazy how time flies. So i went there with 2 last minute ideas. First, to chop off at least 4 inches of hair. Second, to be a little more blond to kinda get rid of my blah winter shade of a poopie ash blond.  While showing a few pictures of possible hairstyles to my stylist, we randomly decided that we were going to take a huge leap and dye my hair super double processed platinum blond.....professionally one of the hardest tasks to pull off successfully....it was shocking. I haven't been this blond since i was 12, it's kinda awesome, even more awesome that people walk by me and either do a double take or completely don't recognize me at all.....the best part is that the color and cut totally suits me.  Yay for chemicals and skilled noggin artists!

My favorite part of the weekend???? So i was out dancing at some silly "exclusive" nightclub in Boston saturday night and this place was wicked packed......all of a sudden this dude walks right past me and i literally scream HOLY SHIT! and then jump on him and squeeze the crap outta him....TOTALLY MY BEST FRIEND and neighbor across the street FROM 1st through 5th grade!!! I almost shead one of those 'tears of joy' things you see on hallmark commercials.

We were inseparable as kids and i was pretty devastated when he moved away right before middle school..... here's a few pictures from the 80's and then one from the other night.....we totally look the same! well, kinda

we're still wicked adorable with our dimples :)

  

A.G + M.F.  = FRIENDS 4-eva

what's in store?

If i were going to do a projected vague introspective photo essay it would look like this:

Shingles 101: How to deal with random wack viruses

1. Prescription Drugs.  If your doctor is kind, they will give you pain meds in addition to a lovely cocktail they traditionally prescribe.  All 3 meds have positive and negative attributes. Take them all, especially the pain killers, they kind of help, well, they make your brain all fuzzy and then you don't seem to care that your neurological pattern rash is quite possibly the most annoying pain you've ever had because it doesn't really make sense why a small train of red dots makes your head, neck and chest hurt. 

2. Find yourself a favorite bag of candy from your youth, call your mom and have her go find that specific brand of candy and bring them to you. Open it immediately and leave it on your nightstand for future snacking.  Make sure there's a reserve supply.

3. Have a whole list of fun things planned out for the weekend.  Let everyone know that you will not be available for anything besides texts, sympathy baked goods/take-out food, and stories that will make you wish you were born after someone in chemistry class figured out you could make a chicken pox/shingles vaccine.

4. Vintage Table Lamp.  Chances are you'll be up in the wee hours of the morning either needing a fresh glass of cold water to wash down more meds, needing to use the toilet, or just wandering aimlessly in narcofantasy land. Night lights are key, especially if you remember there's one right by your head and even better if you remember to turn it on if you need to get out of bed.

5. Swearing. Brush up on some of your best colorful and tasteless descriptive vocabulary.

5. DVD's.  Pull out all the ones that make you laugh really hard and the one cheesy 80's one that you never get sick of watching......works well if you A. own too many hilarious dvds; B. have a lot of staple movies from the 80's and; C. have a 17" laptop that is basically your siamese twin.

6.  Medical Terminology. A lot of people don't know what you've got and they kinda think you might have something like an syphilis or scabies because it sounds a little like both if you're not really paying attention.  Assure them you don't have bugs or STD's. You may even question whether you actually have both, but it's pretty standard medicinal reaction when you are prescribed Prednisone (a steroid that makes you feel wired and nutty), Valtrex (comercially it's used to suppress genital herpes, but is also used for various viral conditions), and Vicodin (narcotics tend to make a lot people itchy).  Lucky you, it's just shingles!

7. Leak-proof BPA-free waterbottle.  There are times when you physically don't wanna move because it either hurts, or afraid you'll never be comfortable again or you're just drugged out of your mind But you still gotta drink the H2O! Perfect solution.

8. Sense of Humor.  Laughter makes a lot of things better, i would say it makes EVERYTHING better, but i know there are some instances you can't really laugh your way out of. The nice thing about shingles is that it's temporary, and even though you can get it again in the future, it's not like it's something you can't tell people about and have them think of you differently (a-la scabies and syphilis)

mug love

Today marks the first beauteous day of the year.  75 degrees in my hometown.   Unfortunately it also marks my first ever run-in with shingles. 

I'm not talkin about no roofs or shitty meat you eat, i'm talkin' good ole varicella/zoster virus sayin hello after a dormant 26-year stay in my body. Also known as random painful old people chicken-pox-ish nerve pattern rash. And it's like pain - straight up weird ass pain. I thought i had swollen glands behind my ear, like i had mono or some tonsil thing going on ....... I had one of my doctor bosses check me out cause i was like "this is the weirdest swollen gland pain ever!"  Doctor boss was like - "you lucked out darling, It's shingles!"  Total shock on my end.  Really? So weird.  I made the mistake of googling pictures of shingles and they only show extreme cases of blistery bumpy rashes and people having bells palsy and lazy eyes and rotting skin.  If you like weird medical pictures, check it out - totally worst-case scenario wild!

Oh wait, back to something nice -  So i was at work this morning and my coworker was going to the keurig machine to reload on coffee and offered to grab me one......i go and pick up my coffee mug off my desk, i wasn't sure if i had washed it before going home yesterday, so i peered into the pretty blue mug and guess what i found..........A HEART SHAPED COFFEE STAIN!       fo'real

"wow this is the best, this totally rocks my socks!"  I ran around my office so stoked to show anyone i could find, it was like the most random romantic thing to ever happen to me.  And then i got shingles. But hey, i'm still smiling about that coffee stain - that was amazing and made me feel kinda cheesy inside.

Not Irish

I'm as Irish as my green pumps from the ATL ghettofabulous mall -
which is apparently even more irish than myself

However, I had fun yesterday eating a super boiled/salty lunch with Joni and Yari at the Trolley and then even more fun out with some crazy irish folks at Wood'N'Tap.  Now if there was a day for Italian or Polish or Lithuanian peeps like myself..........that would really be a good time......

Crabby patties

 

 How to combat crabbiness? Crab Cakes.  It's a new school of thought; eating what you feel. Today i was wicked crabby and i ordered crabcakes from the brewery and then i was in a much better mood, giggling and not wanting to punch people in the face.  I recommend this dish to anyone who works with shitty people, it really gives you perspective. Saying that, i'd like to present a new math equation solution that will warrant a prize for solving correctly and/or creatively.  CALLING ALL MATH NERDS.....(this week is unofficially dubbed mathematical)   OK, here it is,  now go start your eqation and go solve it


 your eqation --->    |crab cakes|

slice-o-pi

It's Pi day!  What does that mean?  Really no significance, besides being a useful tool for finding the area of a circular object if you know the radius or diameter of that specific object......yeah other than that....strictly high school geometry  (unless you're a super math nerd, which i do give props to for your endless commitment to solving problems that have already been solved and your constant need to feel like you've accomplished something brilliant, but really you're just doing something that has already been done, and the fact that you really haven't solved some great extra tricky equation that no one else has, beyond giving you a pat on the back for something that has little cultural significance, you are still uninteresting and unimpressive to me - mathematically speaking for the most part).

My judging, less competent, number crunching brain capacity does appreciate math humor. And yes math nerds, i get your number jokes more than you think i do.....just because my degree is pseudo scientific doesn't mean i don't gots brains.  Don't gotta be a mathhole!

Don't leave home without it...

Hi.  Have we met? Here's another random list of facts. Pay attention.

How to spoil a Friday night

1. Arrive 30 minutes late to your departure meeting spot. Do not let anyone know you're going to be late, the main reason why you do not inform your friends is that you do not even realize how late you really are is because you worked late obnoxiously long week, had to go home, shower, and find something clean and slightly more feminine than a ratty open-neck "Coke is it" t-shirt that may or may not be clean. Once you realize the jeans you wore out last weekend are not where they should be you remember where they are and hope they aren't rolled up in a ball, because that's exactly how you left them last weekend after a night out. Opt for a new outfit, make sure it's unflattering.

2. Because you were late there will not be enough time to go out to dinner in the city.  You opt for truck stop meal, which really isn't all that bad, everyone likes mc nuggets.

3. Of course you need to put gas in your car! Remember? You totally were running late you forgot to get gas before you picked your friends up. Luckily truck stops have gas pumps. Have your friends hit up Micky D's while you fuel the car!  Your friends are out of sight you start to panic when you can't find your gas card, then you can't find your wallet in your purse. Oh yeah a messenger bag in the trunk! Your wallet is not in there either. Where is your wallet? 50 miles away on the kitchen table. Fuck.

4. Break the news to your friends. By the way, you can't even attempt to go out in the city because you need a photo ID (in the wallet that is not with you) to get into everywhere you made plans to go. And then follow that up with, "so hey, can i borrow a couple bucks for gas?"

5. Apolgize for the obvious reasons.  And then take slack for all the little things that were definitely not going to happen that night.  Offer your services & offer to liquor your friends up.  Repeat that you are an asshole, because you are. Feel like scum of the earth for the rest of the night and maybe a little bit into today....

6. Drive another 50 miles back to grab your goddamn wallet. Refuel your own gas tank!

7. Resort to a new location for Friday night festivities that is highly inferior to original plan. Make sure you  have to pay $10 per person to get in the door. Why? There is a cover band of music you don't like.  Order drinks in multiples of 3. Then order more and so on. There will be no cute guys to talk to.  Make sure your friends get nice and wasted and you stay sober so you can drive them home when the dive closes.

8. Fog and rain must be present for the commute home, as well as following the slowest of slow cars the entire dangerous 15 mile strip you can barely safely pass in clear daylight.

9.Go home hungry and wide awake. Those 4 chicken nuggets and that one giant energy drink you had 5 hours before really never made up for that dinner you should have had in that city you were just about in for that night that got ruined by you.  Remember?

10. Don't ever do that again!

Boing-Boing-Boing.....is that SPRING?

Is spring really approaching?   I'll throw a "hell yeah" out there for y'all and some relative observations:

1. Dairy Queen is Open!
2. March Madness
3. Cadbury Creme Eggs
4. New J Crew bathing suit selections
5. Everything is frisky
6. Pining for my tax return
7. Patio parties
8. Random Sneeze attacks
9. More Cadbury Creme Eggs
10. Angry bees

Sun is shining
2 thumbs up

From beard to chops

So i get this phone call at work last week and it's my friend James, he's like "i know you're not feeling so well, but i really need you to stop by and help me out with something after work, i need your help please please, please."  I was a little concerned that something serious was wrong, come to find out he needed help with his beard project, actually it's a st. patty's day chop project. You see - James is wicked irish and st. patty's day is a big thing in his family of many crazy irish folk.  He looks straight outta the guinness/jameson factory irish. So funny.

James is a seasoned beard grower who recently shaved off his impressive beard, succumbing to peer pressure of people who cannot appreciate the aesthetics of a stellar beard.  I was disappointed he caved, but i do understand it gets itchy and you have to trim it up and pick food out of it....but still....it's a rare natural talent worth sharing, and i continue to tell all my beard-capable male friends this and encourage beard growth.  People who don't appreciate beards (usually men with "beard envy," or women with horrible sense of class and style) often use many hurtful slang words and try to use their negative energy to discourage beard growth.  I have a zero tolerance policy for these type of people, despite not completely knowing what that means in this instance.

They're gonna be ridiculous in 3 weeks and i think that's Mc-awesome!!