If you haven't read my lovely 2009 Valentine's day series, i strongly suggest giving it the once-over in preparation of this year's 3-part edition (work in progress). I'm big into self-help and providing useful tips to those looking for alternate ways to make things better, laugh, potentially make things worse, enlighten, argue, resolve....or possibly just make someone snicker. I make no promises.
It seems there is some anxiety about Valentine's Day as a whole, for likers and nonlikers. Here are some useful tips to make your way through these treacherous times of forced love-like tendencies if you don't have a damn person in your life that will be your valentine. (oh could you even imagine?) So here's my list of 7. I picked 7 because they say it's lucky and that whole 7-year itch thing - i'm itchy from some kind of allergic reaction to take-out chinese food shrimp. So yeah - pay attention, don't cry, don't get pissy or bitter. It'll be all back to normal tomorrow AND more importantly...... all the heart-shaped versions of your favorite candy will be at least 50% off tomorrow!!
1.) No one likes to be alone on Valentine's day (except professional narcissists and the painfully indifferent), so seek out people in your similar predicament. It's fun and a gang of people making fun of a nonsensical holiday is better than making fun of it alone and questioning how you really feel: which is really anti-holiday, but society makes you question that year after year.
2.) Watch a marathon of any reality TV dating show from the past 10 years and then celebrate normalcy and lack of scripted nonsense. You will lose a full day succumbing to the addictive qualities of train-wreck reality television. (which works out in your favor, Valentine's day is only one day)
3.) Reality TV not your thang? Well you're in luck! If you are one plan your single lifestyle ahead of time....you've got Winter Olympics to entertain!!! That's right every 4 years baby- you get caught up in laughing at people tumble down snowy mountains, get all wrapped up rooting for your favorite country, wonder why Shaun White is so awesome, make up your own words to other countries' national anthem according to your knowledge (or lack there of) of their historical background......the possibilities are endless.
4.) Take a nap. Never underestimate the power of being unconscious.
5.) If you have divorced parents - go hang out with one of them! Let them remind you how much better life is without that annoying/drunk/lazy/crazy/bitchy/gold diggin'/2-timing/lying/small penis/etc. son-of-a-bitch OR wench (obviously gotta be politically correct here). You will never be happier to change the subject and talk about cats and taxes or whatever divorced people talk about these days.
6.) Play wii. Why? Cuz it's still awesome!
7.) Get the Flu. I had the flu last winter, and let me tell you- all your overheating brain & intestines can think about is dying in a pool of your own sweat and/or feeling human again. Thus, great distraction and legit excuse for being alone.
This concludes the self-help portion of this entry. I enjoyed my February 14th and i hope you did to, and if you didn't, well, i suppose next year could always be a lot worse.
FYI: That thing i posted about "Post Secret" sucking was part 1 of Year 2 V-day series before i even realized. yay.
No comments:
Post a Comment