roses really smell like doo-doo

I work in a medical office, it's my job to be nice to people, and i'm usually really nice to people, mostly because i like being nice most of the time, but also, i'm pretty good at professional niceness with sick people and i really I know how to sound/act concerned, to make the patients feel like someone gives a damn. It's a gift i take for granted.

So there have been numerous occasions at this job and previous places where my niceness has been misinterpreted as wanting to know everyone's complete life history or even worse . . .romantic interest. I can't help it if i say things that are silly to make light of difficult situations, or make encouraging comments, or even hold the door open for someone who just had their leg amputated. Sometimes I actually inquire about the weather because I haven't been outside all day and i'm just plain curious, not because I wanna date you.

There are 3 types of guys that come into my office that think I want to have sex with them. The opiate treatment/detox patients, the lonely old men who take Viagra/Cialis, and the d-baggy married men who get Hep-C/HIV from cheating on wives with pay-dates. Nothing against having medical issues, or I guess mental health issues (you can't help it if your neurons are outta control), or being 50 years older than me . . . . but it's not you . . . .it's me.

1. I have a hard time empathizing/sympathizing/justifying hardcore substance abuse. It's annoying, destructive, unflattering, expensive. I know it's a mental illness ultimately, but it's preventable and therefore it's your fault. Harsh?
   
2. Wrinkly old people are cute, cute like babies are cute: They're both kinda funky looking and you wanna squeeze em, but not too hard cuz their bodies are fragile. However 60+ yr-olds on meds to make your shriveled wiener functional is not something i ever want to see or experience for myself. Personal preference, it's just not for me.
3. There's nothing more unattractive than chauvinism and unnecessary arrogance. Again my personal preference. Take those 2 and add lying, cheating, and some irreversible communicable diseases and you are by far the furthest thing imaginable i'd be interested in. I don't care if you're wicked hot, unless you're Johnny Depp or Jude Law, I can't humor your hot mess. Oh I forgot, cheating on yer wifey with a small-town hooker ≠ my affection.
4. Lack of common sense is a big annoyance. All 3 types lack this.

Everything's been pretty harmless, a few random comments here and there, a lot of stares in my direction. I must sound so vain, but really this is just annoying. I don't like to be bothered when I work, not by patients, not by my coworkers, not even my bosses! I just like to go and do my job, not deal with bullshit and then call it a day. I'm good at my job and like it most of the time, but i work in a place where it's kind of impossible to mix business with pleasure unless it's a corporate ninny event where i get drunk with my bosses and coworkers.



So here's the kicker:
I was at work this past Tuesday and a delivery man from a local classy florist came in full-arm with a vase stacked with a dozen red roses. Every woman in the office gave the look "oh are those for me, how romantic." - My initial reaction, was more along the lines . . ."fuck i'm gonna have to smell those for the rest of the day, sneeze and get a headache, and i'm glad no one sends me that crap." I really thought it was someone's anniversary or birthday or something because people's husbands do that kind of stereotypical special moment stuff.

I was just about to get back to my normal internal work monologue, when my thoughts were interrupted by:

"Delivery for Mia."
To which i immediately forcefully replied, "Nope!"

This aesthetically not so aromatically pleasing presentation was placed directly in front of my rouging face. I thought, who'd have the nerve to do this? Everyone knows not only am i allergic to smelly flowers, but i think gifting cut flowers is a complete waste of money and kinda says "here's something generic, because that's how i think you are." No? I'd prefer a plant over flowers any day, even an "Edible Arrangement" has more useful purpose - it's kinda cutely constructed and everyone loves flower-shaped pineapple slices and melon balls and alas, you can eat it! But flowers . . .you just sit, sneeze, and watch them slowly die, how thoughtful.....

Seriously WTF?

Honestly, I had a quick blip of excitement of who this person could be, because it was completely surprising . . . .. and then it was smothered almost instantly. I knew exactly who they were from without even glancing at the card. Gross. And then i read the card and wanted to vomit, again. Here it is, it was too ridiculous for me not to share.

***Name of actual person covered because of HIPPA confidentiality laws and by the 0.000000001% chance this old dude will read my blog and come and murder me at my office.